Some tweens and teens react badly because they don’t know what to expect in some situations or, just as important, what will be expected of them. They also have an important set of skills to become a successful adult. Tweens and teens who learn to put off leisure until finishing their responsibilities, remain calm in demanding situations, and stop themselves before doing something harmful to themselves and others have a greater chance of doing well in school and at home. For you and them, the payoff is enormous. While their brains are busily working on impulse control, you can also offer ways to help your children rein in challenging emotions and behavior. In fact, neuroscientists tell us the prefrontal cortex - the “higher reasoning” part of the brain that controls everything from reasoning to empathy - usually kicks into high gear starting at puberty until it’s fully developed around the early 20s. Keep in mind that a person’s ability to control impulses can take years to develop. The good news is that older children can improve their self-discipline skills.

Kids who can resist momentary temptations in order to pursue longer term goals get more out of their learning opportunities and do better academically. Do homework or play a video game? Study for that math test or check Instagram? Noting that kids almost always have more entertaining alternatives to doing schoolwork, researchers have confirmed that self-control is an even bigger predictor of kids’ academic success than intelligence.

Alternatives to selfcontrol